Irresponsible Parents + Annoying Southerners

Warning: This article contains strong language and/or sexual references which younger readers are advised to avoid.

I was doing my big shop in Asda the other day and was perusing the DVD section for a cheap £3 film to watch while having my dinner that night, i might add at this point that I found a rather good Norwegian Nazi zombie horror comedy film called "Dead Snow" but anyway I digress.

I couldn’t help but have my focus taken to the boy next to me, who couldn’t have been any older than 10 picking up a copy of the action film "Taken" and bringing it to his parents. Without a second though the mother looked once at the DVD and placed in the trolley... Seriously, why are these people allowed to have children!

I hope to have kids of my own one day, and still being a young rabble rouser myself plan to be quite lenient with them. My children will have permission to smoke and drink as much as they want by the time they're 16, watch 18 rated films when they're 15 and swear their tits off whenever they learn a new word. But will I fuck let my 10-year-old son watch Liam Neeson hunt down and brutally murder and torture Eastern Europeans while trying to save his teenage daughter from being sold into prostitution, that’s just fucking irresponsible.

This brought back similar emotions I experience when forced to sit through Jeremy Kyle. I sit there and think when I'm in charge and my Reich rule the UK, all people will have to take strict personality tests when they turn 16. Anybody who fails one of these tests will be booked in for a medical castration which, if I'm in a particularly fowl mood, will involve no anaesthesia and a brick.

Other people that have been winding me up this week are people from Manchester who consider themselves "Northerners". You can take that description and stick it right up your arse. In what way can anyone from somewhere like Manchester come to Aberdeen and call themselves a northerner, it baffles me. I've lived an hour north of Aberdeen my whole life and consider Edinburgh to be southern so find it funny when I cross the divide from the bright side of Britain and all of a sudden get a bunch of "northern" Geordies. Maybe these Mancs are considered northern by people from Southampton or Plymouth who are so far south they may as well be French, or by people from London who look down their noses at anybody north of Bedfordshire but honestly, who gives a flying fuck what those pretentious wankers think.

Martyn Simpson